Greetings all! Sorry so long since my last post; I’ve been busy training zombies. Now, it may seem that training zombies would not be all that difficult to do considering they have very little working brain matter left, but it’s hard to show them what to do when they’re constantly snapping their teeth at me and mumbling “brains…” all day long. But I’ve found that the occasional jolt from a cattle prod (and the strategic placement of the odd, unfortunate stray cat) that they will focus for a good 20-30 seconds at a time. So, for all you budding Zombie Trainers out there, feel free to use this information in whatever form you deem appropriate.
Now, down to business… we here at Ghost Ship would like you to know that… what? Who’s there? This office is private… what are you… STOP! NO! GAH!
Hello… me name Tim. Me Ghost Ship zombie. Me eat Terry’s brain. It like small appetizer. Tough and chewy and ultimately unsatisfying.
Terry bad boss. Him make us work 14 hour day with no lunch. We eat what we find on ship; flip-flop, cell phone, about 357 earrings. It like they say at cashier booth; If you don’t want to lose it, don’t bring it in. But stupid people think, “Me? Me no lose phone or flip-flop. Me smart!”
Let me tell you- about 18% of you smart, rest of you lose stuff, and Terry walk through ship 50 times a day with bright flashlight that hurt my eye muttering, “Stupid flip-flop… stupid cell phone… why people not listen?” Poor Terry. Now he not have to worry, me eat his brain. Me try to eat wallet but nothing in it. Empty calories.
Anway, if can get past endless hours, burning heat, radiation sickness, stinky guy that work next to me, and complete and utter lack of fulfillment, life on Ghost Ship not bad. We get to watch guests eat cotton candy and corn dogs. Sometimes we even get to lick stick if they drop it good, though stupid seagulls usually get there first. So we just eat seagulls.
Sometimes Terry put one of us in cashier booth. This way when guest ask for 500th time if Ghost Ship is flying pirate ship, me have permission to take nibble. And me take many nibbles.
Me also like when grown-ups bring babies on ship. We like Tinkerbell, the more they scream the brighter we glow, though glow mostly come from atomic sludge that drip from reactor core. But child screaming does warm my heart. It beat TWICE yesterday!
That all for now, me hope you like blog, it my first time. Be sure to check back for Ghost Ship Zombie Workout Video; we eat low carb and get plenty of exercise. It hard work crack open skull to get meat! It better than P-90X!
Til next time; Medulla Oblongata!